You Writing You Note?

At the end of his therapist sessions, 2 of his 4 therapists "write notes" as Eli calls it.  They give a quick summary of how the session went and what was worked on and sometimes what needs to be worked on.  I love and hate these notes.  When they're good, it's good.  When they aren't good, you guessed it, it isn't good.  It can be hard seeing my baby boy through the eyes of a therapist sometimes.  Sometimes they see accomplishments I didn't recognize, which I love.  I love knowing that he is accomplishing so much and gaining so much.  More often though they see the issues I see but prefer to pretend are figments of my imagination or are just me over thinking.

Today's "write notes" contained this:
"Mom as well as Gen and myself have noticed a decreased in engagement and a shorter attention span pair with an independent need to play solo ... Eli would become frustrated at times today so I would use a calm voice and try to re-direct Eli or give him a time limit.  Eli did not respond well to demands today so we kept it low key."  That's therapist speak for he's slipping in.

I have noticed that he is less engaged and try as I might I can't seem to get him to be engaged like he used to be.  He just simply prefers to play on his own.  He gets irritated to the point of rage sometimes if I try to interject myrself into his play.  Independent play is good!  But, what's bad is his lack of desire to engage.  Especially since he use to seem okay with it.  It's hard to see him in his own little world.  He doesn't need us like most kids.  He is perfectly content to just be him and be by himself.  This is a terrifying thing for a mom of an ASD kid. What if he gets stuck in and never comes out?  I can't even go there.

So sure, I noticed it, but at times I see things and the therapists don't and they assure me that it's probably just a phase or he's testing us as his parents.  Yeah, well, now everyone is seeing it.  So it must be bad.  We will have a pow wow with his service coordinator tomorrow morning to get her thoughts and work on an action plan.  I can't lose my little boy.  I can see him slipping and drifting away and I keep reaching out my arms to him, but he runs away.  It's conflicting; he is happy alone, he doesn't *need* people in a social way, but he needs this world whether he knows it or not, feels it or not. 

This world isn't built for him and he isn't built for it.  It's often like we all speak one language and he speaks and understands another.  We need to bridge that gap.

So when Eli said to his therapist today, "You writing you note?" I knew it was that time again.  Time to sign the paper that says "your kid is getting stuck in his own world and we need to help him to come out."  I don't like those notes.